I met beautiful Dominick as a Youth Counselor

May 22, 1995

I met beautiful Dominick as a Youth Counselor in NYC. I was 31 and he was 22 years old. He was a beautiful young man who fell in love with me. Clearly, as his counselor, I could not reciprocate. I remember him fondly.

Earle,

I bet right about now you're wondering to yourself ... "what the heck is he writing me a letter for?" Well, I will tell you! I feel as if writing a letter would be more appropriate vs. talking with you about this silly little matter.That way I won't find myself putting my big foot in my mouth. This is the umpteen letter I have rewritten, but I have committed to myself not to rewrite or stop writing. I just have some feelings I need to get off my chest with you as I can no longer bottle them up! No I am not going to tell you I am in love with you or anything like that, so wipe the sweat coming off you forehead. And I certainly don't hate you. Just confused??? I find myself purposely avoiding you in my crazy efforts to deny myself of rejection of the answers I am in search of.

The day I met you I said to myself, "Boy, this guy is definitely out of my league!" When I started to talk with you, I found myself watching every word. I wanted to make sure I didn't f#$k up. As the days - with the nights went by without the Neutral Zone, I started realizing to myself, "Who am I fooling? This guy can see right through you!" I was right. I opened up to you in a way I never thought I could ... open up to someone, especially if that someone was like yourself. Please do not misinterpret to yourself what I am writing. Children would use the word "crush." This is not, however, a "high school crush," nor a patient fall for his shrink, or student, teacher ... Bonk! None of the above. More or less, I look up to you, but in a different perspective. Nothing sexual. Although going to bed with you has definitely crossed my mind once or twice, maybe more. But my point is, (off-track) you are wonderful ... and ... I love your smile!

There I said it. You are wonderful and I love your smile. Not so hard is it? Shouldn't be afraid to express admiration, should we? Well, I am! I just don't want you to get the wrong idea! My opinion is we only live once, so why not get a chance to admire someone while I am still here on this earth. Okay, I'm babbling now ... I'll stop ...

Do you remember the day you asked me to the movies? Well, let me tell you what happened that day... I was sitting in a meeting at the Gay & Lesbian Community Center - then it happened! My beeper went off. I wondered to myself "Who the f#$k is this?!"

So I excused myself from the meeting to go return the page. Much to my surprise, it was little 'ol wonderful you. Besides being in shock, I was paralyzed! When I realized it was you, I pushed my elbow downward quickly in a type of motion like I was giving someone the elbow, saying to myself, "YES!" - which basically meant to me at that time, "There is a God!" But Wait! ---- I said NO --- I said a no I would regret for as long as I can remember. You asked me if I would like to and see a movie and far from unintentionally, I basically declined.

The point o f this story is - I wanted nothing more than to go to the movies with you, but I was afraid. I feel you are too good for me - too wonderful, especially after my last relationships and my previous rendezvous with hustling. Also, other factors came into play... The age difference - 31 over 22. Not that it is a big deal to me for certain. It's just that I meet the 31 year old man of my dreams at the Neutral Zone. To top it off, I am youth - he is role model. I think you get my point.

You've already said, "If circumstances were different," blah , blah, blah. Had we met in a bar, etc., then it would have happened - which of course, those remarks confused me more. But to be honest, I like how, when, and where I met you. Much better than meeting you in a smokey, sleazy, ridiculous bar. On a further note, I wish I knew for certain if it was really the threat of your position at the Zone, or it it was just plain old me that stopped you from going any further with the whole situation.

Not that I am questioning my looks or sex appeal (I do consider myself attractive, sexy, etc.), but did you really mean what you said? I guess I am use to those same shallow people who only use sex as a motive. But you stunned me. You complimented - flirted a little - then stopped. That was nice believing you thought of me more as a person vs. an object of sex, In my eyes you weren't shallow. I basically want out of this whole gig to know "What's up?"

Did you make an attempt to date with me the day you paged me? Going to the movies? Or did I read into it too much?

If circumstances were in fact different as far as the place we met, would you have pursued me further?

And finally did you ever contemplate me on a sexual basis, or was the complimenting and "flirting" your way to boost a person's self-esteem, whom at the time seemed to need a little boost? Because if so - you boost confused me.

I just want to set the record straight for myself ... put my feelings in perspective. I'll see you soon and I hope your are not upset with me by my writings. That was the very least of my intentions.

I could say a lot more, but I think enough said... So, balls in your court.

Bye for now "Mr. Wonderful"

Dominick

P.S. I still love your smile. Isn't my (yours now) envelope creative? I made it myself - here kitty, kitty!!!

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